One of my goals for 2011 is to participate in more creative photography challenges this year. I want to push myself to think outside of the standard and I think this is one way to really do that… I am even throwing around the idea of doing a 365 project as well… don’t hold me do that though lol I don’t want to bite off more then I can chew ha!

So I have been doing the Creative Journey with Marta Locklear every week and I am finally caught up and can’t wait to see what she has in store for us this week. Since I like to pile my plate high when I saw  The Creative Mama was doing a photography challenge I of course wanted to participate. Off to a good start on my goal right… and it isn’t even 2011 yet WOOT WOOT!

Anyway…. the challenge is to submit an image to their Flickr pool that showcases Growth and Change. As I mentioned the purpose of me doing these projects was to push myself to really be creative about my images. Well I wanted to photograph a moment in my life that really caused me to change and grow…

This is an image of my father’s obituary in the local paper.

My father was a recovering addict. He would’ve had 5 years of sobriety May of 2007 … he passed away February of 2007. He wasn’t a big part of my childhood. He lived in Canada and I was Seattle. However once he got clean he became a big part of my life and my daugther’s. He overcame a horrible addiction and became the Dad I always needed and the best Grandpa a little girl could have.

We moved to Las Vegas June of 2006, he even helped us move our stuff down here. He came to visit that September and I was newly pregnant with my son Hayden. We had a scare while he was here and after a visit to the ER everything turned out to be okay with my pregnancy. My Father called us near the end of October to let us know he was sick… well correction he called my husband first to tell him what was going on and to ask if he thought it was okay to tell me. Even being told he was sick with cancer and it was terminal he was worried about me.

When he told me he was sick he told me that he was going to be okay. That the doctors thought it would be okay… he lied. He knew that if he told us the truth I would be worried sick. He was worried that after the ER visit while he was here visiting that it would cause more stress on my pregnancy. When I first heard that he knew the whole time I was upset. I was upset that I missed spending time with him. Missed him spending time with Haylee. Missed telling him all I wish I would have been able to tell him. However I know his heart was in a good place and why he made the choice he did.

My brother wasn’t aware of how bad it was either. A week before his death he called me asking if I had heard from Dad. I hadn’t and that was weird. I had called but hadn’t heard back from him. I finally got a hold of him on Tuesday and he sounded horrible. He said he had a cold and was okay. Thursday I got a call from my Uncle while my husband was at work. He told me that my Father was in the hospital and that is wasn’t looking good. He said we need to get up their ASAP. This was not the call I expected to get. I thought he was going to be okay…. he said he was going to be okay… he wasn’t okay.

We booked a flight to Seattle for the following morning. Rented a car and drove up to Canada. My brother and I arrived about the same time and met my uncle in the lobby. He said that he didn’t look good and he wanted to prepare us for what we were going to see. Let me explain my father was a big guy. Worked out often and took good care of himself…. when I walked in that room I wasn’t looking at my father… this man in the bed looked like he was 80 years old… what happened to my father. I stood by his bedside and held his hand. I put his hand on my belly so he could feel the kicks of his unborn grandson. I had to leave the room because I felt faint. I went back in and told him all that I should’ve been telling him the past few months. I didn’t know if he could hear me but when I told him that he was the best Papa to my daughter and that she will always know how much he loved her he made direct eye contact with me. He heard me… I know it.

He passed away on Sunday Feb. 18th 2007. That day changed me. I had never really experienced death. My Father was gone. He would never meet the son I carried in my belly or Hudson. Haylee wouldn’t remember him playing with her and talking to her on the phone. Losing my Father changed me. It made me realize that life IS short and you must always treasure each day with those you love. That you must go for dreams and then some.

I miss my Father. I miss his voice. I miss his laugh. I miss his hamburger pie I miss him saying ‘There is always time for Tim Horton’s“. I miss my Father.

He has forever changed my outlook on life. I know that anything is possible and through out all of his struggles and addictions he fought and he won. You can change your life if you want it bad enough and try hard enough.

So I leave you with The Serenity Prayer that my Father had hanging on his wall and read to himself daily through out his battle….

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

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